Do you know what it’s like to walk into a “mom gathering” and immediately regret walking through the door? You look around and see a sea of moms you don’t know and the noise level is that of a stampede of trumpeting elephants. All you can think about is that everyone is now staring at you because you’re the newest person to arrive. The pressure to communicate with your peers is at an all time high and all you want to do is hide! You don’t want to talk to your peers. You would rather be back in the comfort of your own home where nobody’s staring at you, judging you and asking you your life story.
Sound familiar? Well this is me. I’m that antisocial, anxiety ridden woman. I hate to socialize. It stresses me out. The time, anxiety, stress and honest to goodness real panic that goes into having to get ready for any social gathering is never worth what ever possible enjoyment may be in store for me on the other side of that door. At least not at that present time. Don’t get me wrong. I love the few friends I have and I’m fine going to their house or my family’s house just to hang out and visit but if you are hosting a party or even a large family gathering, chances are I’m either going to be extremely late due to my own internal chaos mixed with the sheer volume of kids I’m trying to work around or I’m gonna come up with an excuse as to why I’m not coming. So don’t take it personal. I’m just not good at the social thing.
It’s funny that I’m putting myself out there for all to see. This is how I see it though. I have a rough time being social and talking amongst my peers in person yet I have so much to say. This blog has allowed me the outlet to voice my thoughts, allow people into my life and gain some knowledge on what a big family lifestyle is all about without me having to stress over everything in order to do so.
This way socializing is fun! Lol.. No but seriously, being an antisocial mom isn’t all that easy. I don’t make friends well. Which means I don’t have many play dates with my kids. I don’t participate in classrooms and I’m just not one of those moms that stand outside the school chatting up in the nearest mom huddle. I’m the mom that stands alone. I know I’m not the only mom in the world that struggles to be social or has social anxiety but I do feel like I am most of the time. Maybe it’s where i live. Most of the moms and dads around here are these great social butterflies. Everybody knows everybody. They even know me despite the fact I have no idea who they are. I’m kinda hard to miss. For the longest time I was the lady who drove the giant, black 14 passenger van. I also had 7 children all at the same elementary school. So after a while the office realized all these kids were mine. Bottom line, I’m a woman who struggles with social anxiety but my lifestyle screams “stare at me!!”. Can anyone relate?
Being a mom is hard. People judge you. Most of the time it’s just in the privacy of their own homes but sometimes your judged right to your face. Maybe not verbally but a snooty look or a snide remark about how many kids I have is more than enough judgement and hurts just as much as if you just coming right out and said you think I’m crazy or selfish or irresponsible for having such a large family. Moms judge other moms all the time and we don’t really think about how that judgment really affects those women. To you it’s just your opinion but for people like me, it makes just trying to be a socially active mom in my society much harder.
Being an adult and trying to make friends is really no different from when you’re a kid. There are clicks, there are mean girls and there are the odd balls that just don’t fit in anywhere. There are so many of us moms out there that want to have friends, want to socialize but just find it really hard and extremely uncomfortable to put themselves out there. Or maybe they’re like me and struggle to feel like they fit in anywhere. No matter the person or the reason, we all struggle in our own way and we all deserve friendship and comradery. So moms, if you see a stand out woman who’s obviously not going to shove her nose in your circle and invite herself to your next book club meeting. Take the time to talk to them. If you’re an extrovert and you know you’re great at pulling those introverts in and making them your bestie, then go get um! They’ll thank you for it later!